Saturday, December 27, 2008

Reflections from So. Ill.

I just watched The Last King of Scotland. Great movie. Awful idea to watch it before sleeping. Because then sleep doesn't happen and one finds oneself... blogging. About beauty. Because beauty is needed after such a lesson in history.

The film is about Amin, the self-imposed president of Uganda from 1971-1979. He is responsible for an estimated 300,000 deaths. Classic dictatorship/terror storyline -- thousands being killed, yet the United Nations accepted Uganda to the UN Commission on Human Rights. (Shoot, is that my cynicism escaping?)

Anyway, back to reflections. For Christmas I received a compilation of poetry by Rainer Maria Rilke. A classic, I know, but I was only somewhat introduced previously. I tend to muse over a poem for a few days before being able to move on to another. There's a line from Lament that is melting in my mouth like a... jolly rancher? (I never eat those! Why does that come first to mind???)... like a... piece of dark chocolate. (Mm. Better.)

"I would like to step out of my heart
and go walking beneath the enormous sky."

I've been in Southern Illinois for the past week, and have spent time with some gems.

"Irreligious and devoted": Roger. A dear friend, mentor, coach, author. I have never met someone who dreams as big as Roger. He inspires me to fill space with dreams that are too unrealistic to plan. He urges me to run straight down my lane of hurdles, with my eyes only on the finish line. Roger loves people practically with no expectations or motives. He is the most competitive, driven, devoted man I've met. He used to wrestle. If I were a wrestler, I would *never* dare to face him.

"It's your heart palpitation.": G.M. A friend whose presence does the same for me as does a walk in the crisp, cold night air. The complexity of life clears, calms and life regains its beauty. G. is a poet, and seems to make my words sound better. For example, I told him of my dancing. He saw my eyes light up and sat back, smiling. "It seems like it's one of your heart palpitations," he observed. Dale. I'll take that. I'm ready to submerge myself in life once again.

"Hello, my dear!": Mentor, close friend, sister, mother, counselor. A woman who's known me since age 14, who buys my Christmas gifts months in advance (a beautiful wooden tea chest), and who knows the perfect moment, amidst my tears, to make me laugh. Her inventiveness, endless list of ideas, desire to learn, and loyalty make life sparkle. I feel grounded, soothed, and mentally stimulated in her presence. I realized my cheeks hurt from smiling.

Final thoughts about life in a small[er] town: garden gloves are what litter the side of the road, I heard the flapping of twenty blackbirds leave a bare tree as I hiked past, I *did* go walking beneath the enormous pearl-like sky, the owner of my favorite night-spot stayed late until G.M. and I finished our conversation, a store owner flipped his sign back to "open" when I peeked in his window, I paused in my run to listen to geese pass through my part of the sky.

Here's to beauty, magical people, 65 degree days in December, and Rilke's Palm.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Shout out for great organization: Arcus Foundation

I would like to give my support and cheers to the Arcus Foudation.

"The mission of the Arcus Foundation is to achieve social justice that is inclusive of sexual orientation, gender identity and race, and to ensure conservation and respect of the great apes."


Enough said.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Hearing

What I've been excited about and listening to lately:


3. Kings of Leon: Only By The Night
Rocker'esk. Energetic. Catchy. I can't wait to put them on my iPod and go for a hard run.

2. The ReMINDers: ReCollect
Hip hop couple currently residing in CO. He sounds like JayZ, her voice blows my mind. They're politically conscious, hopeful and inspiring. I saw them last week at Community Cafe, hosted by IMAN. (You should check out the next Cafe. It was excellent.)

1. The Silent Years
I don't have their album yet, but I've been sampling. They're opening for Longwave at the Double Door on Dec. 17. I'm stoked to go. They have such different sounds -- folk, acoustic, rock... they go loud and energetic and soft and pensive. LOVE THEM.

Enjoy!!!

Monday, November 10, 2008

Shout out for my fav Ryan Adams

Ryan Adams and the Cardinals released Cardinology on October 28.

I rarely can give one answer to a "favorite ever" question, except that Ryan Adams is my favorite musician ever.

I don't find their new album to differ too greatly that past albums, and in truth it isn't INCREDIBLE, but it's fresh and new Ryan Adam's sound, so I'm in.

Check it out:

http://www.losthighwayrecords.com/artist/releases/release.aspx?pid=1755&aid=58.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Things I think are just great - Post #2

Fall has arrived. The air smells like fall, leaves crunch and blow, and every morning I sprint from my warm bed through my freezing apartment to the stove to make tea.

Things you should take advantage of:

A morning or dusk on the lakefront. The air and wind is crisp, but not too cold. The sunsets are gentle and layered, and the water is a deep sea green. Today on my bike ride home, a man was painting the horizon, a few men were snapping photos, and other young people had simply put down their bikes to sit for a while.

Honey crisp apples from a farmers' market. I got mine this past Tuesday at Dearborn/Adams. They're the best apples I've ever had -- and I know apples. Check out the Green City Market on Wednesdays and Saturdays. I'm sure they're there as well.

An out-of-city trip. Tomorrow a friend and I are taking our bikes on the Metra post-work and traveling out of the city to ride.

Learning about Eritrea. This might not improve your joy and faith in humanity's goodness, but eat a honey crisp apple while reading and it should balance you a bit. Few people know about Eritrea, yet it is one of the world's leaders in human rights violations. The government forces young men and women into the military, where they are tortured, mistreated and the women often raped. Check out Human Rights Watch or the BBC for articles on Eritrea and the surrounding countries in the Horn of Africa.

Dictionary.com's Word-a-Day. It makes speaking more adventurous. Recent favorite words: enervate. slugabed. repine.

Things I think are just great - Post #1

NPR has a Song a Day feature. I live by it and have been introduced to great music in the past few weeks!

My current favorites:

** Bon Iver: For Emma, Forever Ago
Released November 2007. Pure acoustic melodies. Simple almost haunting lyrics that are a play on words. His lyrics don't explicitly define his thoughts or moods, but in that sense, they strike me as lovely. Definitely a mood album. A few friends have seconded my statement that the album is addicting. I can't turn it off.

** The Portland Cello Project
Who doesn't love cellos?? Everything from rock/pop songs with other artists to classic cello pieces to experimental melodies. They're next on my to-buy list.

** Ra Ra Riot: The Rhumb Line
I heard them on NPR and fell for the catchy energetic full sound of this six person Syracuse band. Then I saw them live at Subterranean earlier this month. The Rhumb Line was just released in the middle of August 2008 and they're on their first tour. They have a cellist and violinist. Super great.

Other great people to check out: Matt Nathanson, Jose Gonzalez, Calexico

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Landlines

So I've come to the conclusion that living simply has to come in incremental changes (props to Jeff for the encouragement) and then a few risky decisions. I'm at the point of incremental changes... and needing a new change. I'm open to ideas! For now, I've only bought second hand clothes for the past five months, I take books from the library instead of buying, I shop at farmers' markets and my locally owned grocery store, and I've become my grandma by reusing Ziploc bags. What's next? Being more mindful of how much shampoo, paper towels, hair products I use? Act like they're the last ones I have? Compost in my 3 room apt? I think not...

If I were to take risks, this is how I'd simplify my life:

I'd get a landline.

Seriously, I think about landlines a lot. What happened to them? They have such charm, such intimacy.

This week I'm without a cell phone. The past two days have been glorious. If I say I'm meeting a friend somewhere, we meet. Or we don't. But there's none of this:

4:30 Cell phone conversation: "Let's meet at 5:00 at the cafe." "Great, see you there."

5:02 Cell phone rings: "I'm on my way." "Great, see you soon."

5:05 Cell phone rings: "I stopped to get some groceries. Want any oranges? They're on sale." "No, I'll just see you when you arrive."

I mean, really. That's so distracting. Just show up late! Why the three conversations?

How do you feel about landlines?

I'M FOR 'EM!

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Espresso black.

Saturday, August 30. Favorite cafe at home. Salsa dancing in the back room. Quiet coffee-scent in the front.

Existing as a creative being isn't just about producing vibrant paintings, melodic acoustic songs, or going to poetry readings. Embracing one's creativity is also about finding one's deepest joys in daily moments, about becoming alive and seeing life as more than a schedule and a box.

This week I’ve felt so alive. The only way I can animate such a feeling is this image: when my siblings and I were little, we’d gather in my twin sisters’ bedroom just before 7am on Christmas morning, and then jump and pound on the creaking, poorly laid floorboards that doubled as the ceiling of my parents’ room, “Good morning!! Wake up!” Joy so physical that it borders overwhelming annoyance. That was me this week.

Last Friday I sliced open my hand while climbing a tree in Grant Park. Of course (with my ridiculous desire to always be “hardcore”), I loved it. Monday night I became irreparably grumpy when my bike-greased hands failed to successfully secure the back wheel. Tuesday I bought raspberries and blueberries at the farmers’ market on Adams and Dearborn. Back in the office Tuesday afternoon, I realized my hands were still grimy with bike-grease (in some crevices that defied Monday night’s scrubbing), now covered in bright fuchsia raspberry juice, and scabbing quite gracefully from the tree incident. In that moment, I realized I had embraced summer fully.

Wednesday night I went to BajoFondo Tango Orchestra in Millennium Park. Exhilarating. What performers. I thought I would burst of joy and energy. I went with other life-filled friends, and we danced and grinned like little kids, and screamed and loved it. And dancing tango outside to a live orchestra… nothing beats it. I sucked up my dancing insecurity and approached two of the best tango dancing Chicago men and (defying all tango etiquette) asked them to dance! And I think I did okay… perhaps they’ll give me the ever so slight eye-point-to-dancefloor invite next time we’re in the same room…

Thursday night I made pesto and then laid on a pier with a friend, fell in love with the light-pollutioned pink sky, and embraced the gentle drizzle of rain that skimmed my cheeks. Friday I went to immigration court, met a lovely woman from Eritrea, met genuine-hearted attorney who grew up in a small town outside where I grew up, and had lunch with them. That evening a dear friend and I drove to my home, windows down, listening to mixed CDs from 1994, and took turns holding the steering wheel so we could look out the sunroof at the magenta and Crayola mountain purple sunset, and then the starry, espresso black sky.

Today I woke early, ate locally made jam and toast, yoga in the sun, did everything local possible, made sure the juice from farmers’ market peaches ran down my chin, and picnic-d at a vineyard as the sun disappeared behind a lake and forests. And I write as I drink a Cuban coffee from the perfect espresso cup, saucer and spoon.

Life is so beautiful and colorful and full. I am overwhelmed.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Updates from the Train

Updates on life as of August 17, 2008. Amtrak 5:15 train to Chicago. Drinking ice cold water. Watching the sunset over corn fields (that I hope aren’t producing ethanol) and loving that the air is gold and fuzzy. Like summertime peaches.

This summer has flown past. Today I freaked out because someone’s “out of office” said they wouldn’t be back until August 17. In my mind, I thought it was August 4'ish, and I needed an answer from the person sooner than 2 weeks! When I arrived back to reality and noted that August 17 was today, I felt slightly if not totally ridiculous, and was amazed by the rush of the past months.

I finished Dance of the Dissident Daughter (was deeply challenged by it), Rainer Maria Rilke’s words are etched into my soul, found Elizabeth Bishop, was enchanted by Marquez, and my eyes continue to be opened through Takeover and Words from an Argentine Dirty Warrior.

Summer highlights: daily commuting via bike, moments of live outdoor music, fresh locally grown foods, moving in (second time) to a new apartment and sleeping next to open windows and breezes, late night walks, early morning lakefront runs, homemade spring rolls, lunch at Chase fountain, my summer intern posse (I had three of my own interns!).

So I’m on my way ‘home’ from ‘home.’ I don’t know if I can live in the city forever. Being barefoot in grass while hearing crickets, toads, creeks’ rumblings and while trying to take in glistening spots of stars… it gets me at the core. And – really – is there anything better than locally grown peaches converted to cheap peach jam? Or strawberries and then strawberry butter? I must admit. I splurged and am carrying an ENORMOUS and heavy watermelon and – count them – FOUR jars of jam. Ridiculous…ly amazing! Call me – I’ll invite you over for tea and jammed toast. and watermelon.

I was also reminded that along with my dreams of being a dancer, asylum attorney, human rights worker abroad, history profesora, author, restaurant owner, doula, and/or yoga instructor, I also want to be a…

FARMER.

Really, I do. A farmer. Yep. Bring it. Watch out world – my mid-life career change might land me in a field with tomatoes and watermelons as big as the one I’ll attempt to lug from the train through the station up a flight of stairs to the car.

So those are my current thoughts on life. As much as I’ve been completely awful at staying in touch, I’ve also been awful at blogging… perdoname por fa. Un beso. Chauuu.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Reading List - July 2008

I presently have five books rotating in a stack by my night stand/enduring binding-wearing transit in my backpack. (All my books get that way. I try to keep them looking nice and crisp, but to no avail.) Here’s the list:

Cien Anos de Soledad by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. A classic magic realism novel that delights me in its exaggerated details and reality. The characters seem to nag at my own human insecurities, and make me chuckle with their ridiculous escapades.

Dance of the Dissident Daughter by Sue Monk Kidd. A personally challenging book about waking up to life’s spirituality. A must-read for any woman (or man, if you’re daring enough to jump into it!) who yearns to push back the walls of the boxes into which her life is packed. Kidd’s diction and style are fresh and strong.

Takeover by Charlie Savage. A political book about the expanding executive power of the United States’ Presidency. Corroborated by this article at democracynow. Rich in example and theory, I am learning about the interplay between the branches of government, and finally starting to grasp the imperial nature of the presidency.

Life of the Beloved by Henri Nouwen. A refreshing, straightforward look at spirituality and living in our deepest desires.

Elegies in Blue: Poems by Benjamin Alire Saenz. Saenz believes poetry should play a role in public discourse, and uses his words to tell stories of his childhood on the U.S./Mexican border, as well as illustrate the lives of other individuals and groups of people. His clean and fresh words propel poignant questions. His poetry opens my mind and my eyes to the world.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

My life as of... now.

I think it's only appropriate to re-introduce myself.  My life as I knew it has changed in huge ways.   Therefore, my posts will probably change, too.  So you should be in the know.  Life seems to be organized in three chunks:

1) Full-time job.  I work with political asylum seekers.  They are people in the U.S. asking to stay for fear of returning to their home countries (in comparison to refugees who are outside the U.S. asking to come).  I love my work.  I get to talk with people from all over the world.  Pretty much, if I read of a human rights violation on the BBC, I'll meet someone who was involved in it a few months later.  So I do human rights work/immigration law/event planning... it's super great.
2) Bike.  I've been biking to work every day.  I love it.  I would highly recommend it.  Minus the huge pot holes marked in yellow paint on the lakeshore trail, it's fantastic.
3) Post-work/bike hours: I've been dancing a lot.  and reading a lot.  and perusing the bbc and nytimes.  and doing fun outdoor Chicago activities.  

So my posts will probably be about such matters!!  Asi que... bueno.  Ya esta.  Mi vida.  Bienvenido a la vida nueva.  jaja.


Cheesy Big-Sister Post

So I have to be a big sister and post for the success of Emma.  And just because I think it's pretty great that she has an interview online!

When I was a senior in high school, well-aware that I wouldn't be able to pay for the school of my dreams, I scoured FastWeb for weird scholarships.  One that always popped up was the Duct Tape Prom Dress contest.  In my suffocating creativity, I couldn't imagine wearing silver tape to prom, and never gave it a thought.  

But my sister did.  She spent 6o hours and 20 rolls of duct tape.  And made an incredible tux and dress.  She made it into the TOP 10 in the country!!!  You can go vote for her.  Entry #4188.  If you have the desire, you can vote from all your different email addresses once a day until June 30!!  (She would be forever grateful.)

Em and my brother Sean (such a stud. ha!) were interviewed by our local newspaper and made the front page!

They're so fun.  I like them.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Pretty awesome.

Wow. I had no idea I haven't posted since April 27. That is a LONG time. And so much has happened... wow. I suppose that's what happens -- so much runs past me that I can't articulate anything...

And the inarticulate-ness continues. At least for tonight.

I just wanted to give you a new blog to check out -- its from my friend JM. He's pretty awesome. I mean, anyone Bambi hangs out with is pretty cool (read the blog. you'll understand.)

JM is heading to Burundi... this blog will be amazing to follow as he starts this crazy, unorganized, disjointed attempt at re-integrating female child soldiers back into society.

Go read. Have fun.

I'll post soon...

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Random Me-ness

It's too late to put anything coherent together, but here are some fun thoughts/updates/randomness:

-- This week was the week of Spring -- the trees budded Monday, daffodils Tuesday, tulips Wednesday, magnolias somewhere inbetween...by yesterday the trees were almost all green... I want to tell it all to slow down so I can keep it longer!
-- Feeling loved moment of the week: my favorite professor showed a music video of one of my favorite tango groups in class in honor of me! (Gotan Project listen!)
-- If you want to see a fantastic dance company, check out Alvin Ailey. I went last weekend and it was an aa-mazing experience. They're an 18 person, high-energy modern dance group with ballet and African influences.
-- For great poetry, check out Cesar Vallejo. He's a Peruvian poet from the Vanguardia era. I'm writing a paper on him, and he feeds my soul! His poetry breathes depth and compassion for humanity. He asks the hard questions of religion and God in the face of injustice, and makes beautiful use of language. You can read his stuff online or the book I'm reading of his is called "The Black Heralds."
-- Random countries/human rights violations I've been following lately: kidnappings in Haiti, Tibet activities, Zimbabwe elections and recent raid, inflation in Argentina.
-- Living Creatively Award of the Week goes to my roommate, who is going to work in a candy shop this summer and has a huge accordian on her bed that she's learning to play!

Big stuff on my mind: I graduate in two weeks... I want to learn how to cook Thai... I miss being in nature... I keep having teary moments thinking of not living with my roommate of 4 years... I heard Kevin Sites speak and it was super intense (author of In the Hot Zone -- check it out!)... I daydream about being able to read whatever I want after finals! The list of books will be posted...

Friday, April 11, 2008

Latin American Film Fest

If you're up for exploring the city this weekend, check out the Latin American Film Fest! There's a movie at Loyola Galvin Auditorium 6pm Saturday (tomorrow!). Or check out the calendar at:

http://www.latinoculturalcenter.org/

"Now is not as empty"

A friend passed this quote to me this morning. It resounded with my current struggles to rest in the now. May you enjoy it:

"The contemplative secret is to learn to live in the now. The now is not as empty as it might appear to be or that we fear it may be. Try to realize that everything is right here, right now.When we're doing life right, it means nothing more than it is right now, because God is in this moment in a nonblaming way.When we are able to experience that, taste it and enjoy it, we don't need to hold on to it. The next moment will have its own taste and enjoyment."
-- Richard Rohr

I often hang on tightly to the now, fearing losing it. I am challenged to trust in the goodness and providence of future "now's".

May our "now's" of today be filling...

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Ella llegó!! (She arrived!)

La primavera llegó. Spring has come. I almost started crying yesterday I was so grateful. IT’S ABOUT TIME. I think we all agree. Two weeks ago I said, “When spring finally comes, I feel like Chicago will glow brighter from space – there will just be so much positive energy and joy!” I think Chicago sparkled yesterday and today.

One of my favorite artists is Merecedes Sosa, an argentine folklore singer. She has this beautiful song Lapachos en Primavera. It’s gentle and soft, and the lyrics are: “Te busco, te busco y te busco. Luz... te quiero, te quiero y te quiero.... La vida es como un camino hasta el verano. Luz... La primavera me dice esta llegando. Luz...” English: “I seek you, I seek you and I seek you... Light... I love you, I love you and I love you... Life is like a path unto summer. Light... Spring tells me it’s arriving.” The song speaks of hopeful waiting for spring’s light. I’ve been singing it forever!

As a child, my parents generously gave me a kitchen cabinet of my own. I often proudfully doned pink 80s sunglasses, cleared out the crayons and watercolors, climbed in, advised Mom, “I’m going to St. Louis. I’ll bring back a Mrs. Field’s cookie for you,” and shut the door. Whenever I returned from St. Louis, Mom would warmly and lovingly greet me, “THERE you are!! Welcome back!”

That’s how I felt today as I laid on my deck and read Pablo Neruda, and then went for a run on the lakefront. As if spring came back from the cabinet-trip, and I was lovingly greeting it. Other people on the path must have noticed my huge smile, contented look, and running-dance-moves (does anyone else dance while they run? We must look pretty silly). I was so glad she had arrived!! In a completely cheesy deliriuous happy state, I couldn't help but serenade Spring when Lauren Hill’s Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You came on my iPod. Oh, Spring...

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Training wheels

Returning to thoughts on creativity...

In the past months I've made [seemingly] silly, fun and outrageous goals as to my creative aspirations. I've dreamed of perfect days, jobs, lives and pastimes ranging from living in a place with only spring flowers, to doing African dance, to being a photographer, to having a mountain in my backyard change form daily... *laugh* It's been hope-giving, but at times I've experienced resistance in the form of, "Megan, you can't do that! Why would you even dream about it? That's ridiculous!"

Not so!

This week, I experienced two of my goals take visible steps towards actualizing (for Spanish speakers, I want to use the verb "realizar"...)! Goal #1: Become a good enough tango dancer to keep up with my teacher. Hope #1: This week, when he taught me how to lean on him so he could put me into an incline, I learned quickly. He gave me a proud, excited hug and beso on the cheek and sent me off to practice. I am inspired by his encouragement and faith in me. Goal #2: Do a headstand in yoga by December 2009. Hope #2: Last night in yoga, as we worked on upper body strength, our scary teacher (we flinch when she walks past us -- she's so intimidating! Oh Gloria...) stopped in front of me and said, "Do you want to try a headstand today? It just clicked for you." (!!!!) I did a headstand! (Not completely alone... Gloria helped me balance.) Gloria ohhhmmm'd later, "You're like a kid on training wheels, it will happen."

Some fun exercises to think about:
1. What are 12 things you would love to do? They don't have to be things you already do... allow yourself to dream a bit! Don't think too hard, just list them.
2. List 20 things you like to do.
a. Now for each one, is it free or have a cost? Cheap or expensive? Do to alone or with someone? Is it daring or calming? What part of you does it feed -- spiritual, mental, emotional, physical?
b. From that list, create the perfect day as life is now.
c. Now create and describe a perfect day in your wish-world.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Eating Disorders, Latin America

While in Buenos Aires, I was challenged with body image because there is a heavy emphasis on maintaining one's figure. Culturally, it is very distinct than the United States. Of course, Argentines do eat healthier portions and walk more, but it was more than that...something was not right. I had heard random statistics of eating disorders, but had never read anything trustworthy. And finally on BBCmundo there is an article about eating disorders in Latin America! For those of you who read Spanish, here is the link:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/spanish/misc/newsid_7294000/7294863.stm

The author speaks of women in Argentina (and now other places) taking anti-hunger drugs on a regular basis. These drugs, filled with amphetamines, sedatives, laxatives, diuretics and hormones, wreck women's bodies. My family was very healthy, therefore I was never directly affected by the use of anti-hunger drugs, but I knew others who were. The association of the fight against anorexia and bulimia (ALUBA) quotes that 1 in 10 Argentine girls have some sort of eating disorder. 1:10. That is incredible. Why more in Latin America? The answer must be more complex than differences in eating cultures. If I find answers, I'll let you know.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Chicago 10

This past weekend I saw two fantastic independent films -- if you need an activity this week, don't miss them: Chicago 10 and The Counterfeiters. Especially Chicago 10. It is just quality and fun and historical and... great.

Here's the trailer:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=M9uJL7lWdFg

Enjoy!!

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

The week's ponderings - weird, fun, and beautiful.

** Last night I had this organic moment while drinking water –a moment of clarity – at the most basic level, I’m an being/animal drinking these two gases that happen to make a liquid that nourishes my body. Weird, really, to reflect upon. I may have various levels of thinking/feeling/relating, but I have to drink water to be able to do any of those things. (I was realllllly tired, so my thinking was kinda strange anyway, hence my organic thought. *laugh.)

** The past few weeks I’ve been fighting/resisting these “monsters” as I’ve deemed them: things that threaten my dreams, my purpose, my “deepest desires” – ideas of financial comfort, of choosing the easy course, of appeasing others. I’ve turned to a few people for help/advice, but none so insightful as this little girl. Enjoy.
Go to: http://youtube.com/watch?v=UCOPNuuGeKA

** I just read On Liberty by John Stuart Mill – some parts deeply resonated with me. I think this quote is beautiful:
“Human nature is not a machine to be built after a model, and set to do exactly the work prescribed for it, but a tree, which requires to grow and develop itself on all sides, according to the tendency of the inward forces which make it a living thing.” Mill quotes Wilhelm von Humbolt to say that to develop ourselves, for this “tree” to grow, we must have “freedom, and a variety of situations.”

The beautiful part of our society is that we have freedom (debatable, I know, but for the purposes of this thought, go with me). We have freedom, so we just need to seek and intentionally put ourselves in these varying situations. My goal for the week is to experience two “new” situations that challenge my thinking/way of life.

And... deep breath... GO.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Breathe in the positive energy...

In September, the concept of energy entered my life primarily through two sources: my spiritual director and... yoga. *laugh. I feel so cheesy saying it, but it’s true! I cannot justify it scientifically, nor biblically, but from what I have observed and experienced, I believe that energy has a deep impact on how we feel physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Tonight it all came together for me in a very beautiful picture. Let me explain.

BMH. My spiritual director filters her thoughts before speaking, sometimes stopping mid-sentence to say, “Oo. That’s negative energy. I won’t say that.” Or she’ll gently and humorously chide me for promoting negative energy in things I say or ways I act. Such language threw me off for the first few weeks of getting to know her; I had never used such terms or concepts. However, I have found that she’s right: what I say regarding a subject or a person really does infiltrate the space with an energy, either healing and growth inspiring, or negative.

Yoga. For those of you who haven’t tried yoga, its root is in breathing patterns with the goal of bringing energy to the body through strength, flexibility and balance, as well as focusing and relaxing the mind. During some exercises, one is encouraged to visualize inhaling positive energy, and exhaling negative energy and stress. (This is nothing new; any how-to-relieve-stress will advise breathing deeply.) The more I practice yoga, the more I am cognizant of the negative energy stores in my body, and how my body feels when they are released and filled with positive energy. Although slight, the difference is definitely noted.

Tonight. Taking that deep breathing idea... Tonight I was with a group of women who were encouraging one another. I noticed multiple times that when particularly encouraging words hit an individual, she would take a deep breath and exhale slowly. It was like a yoga breath. It was as if she was inhaling the positive energy, the words of affirmation and hope, and exhaling the fears, lies and insecurities. The image of these deep breaths of renewal is beautiful to me.

Tonight’s experience tied it all together for me. There IS some dimension of energy of which we are not immediately aware, but it is reality. In our personal spaces, in our words, in our bodies, in our thoughts. I think the concept of “energy” is tossed out in the lingo of new-agers, but give it a chance. Pay attention for a few days – to words, to spaces, to how your body feels, to deep breathing...

Friday, February 8, 2008

Internship learning #1: Detained Immigrants

This semester I am interning with the National Immigrant Justice Center of Heartland Alliance. To further general awareness/knowledge of our country/world/immigration system, I'm going to offer updates.

Detained Immigrants. When persons flee their home countries to find safety in the US, they come to seek ASYLUM. Being a REFUGEE is asking for protection while being outside the US. Asylum is sought once in the US. Asylum happens one of two ways:
1. Once in the US on a visa or with a document (legal or illegally), one goes to a lawyer or organization to seek asylum. These are the persons with whom I work.
2. Upon arriving at Customs, the person declares they are afraid to return to their countries and are seeking asylum. At this moment, Customs officers detain them and put them in detainment centers (often local jails).

These detainment centers are overflowing. At any one time, there are approx. 30,000 detained individuals in our country. Therefore, the overflow are 'housed' in jails, and treated the same as the inmates. Their asylum cases *generally* go through the courts within a few months, but in some cases take years. Apart from the legal process, it astounds me that these people seeking asylum are imprisoned. Literally. They are coming to the US to seek shelter, to be safe, after having been tortured, received death threats, been raped, being heavily persecuted... and we put them in shackles (literally) and van them to a detainment center or jail.

Something's gotta give. I'm intrigued to learn more...

PS. If anyone is interested, there are volunteer opportunities to go to the detainment centers and talk with the immigrants to hear their stories and document them so we can then decide if they are eligible for legal help. Talk with me.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Living Creatively - Money

Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way is changing my life. It’s a book about re-discovering one’s creativity, giving it room to breathe. Cameron demands activities and self-reflection that daily challenge me. For example, this week’s chapter asks me to investigate my views of money - whether they inhibit creative living. I’ve found that I’ve not yet lived independently enough to have developed really negative views of money, but when reflecting over money and my future, I do allow money to inhibit my dreams.

I have never been a procrastinator. I’ve disciplined myself to live by delayed gratification – if I labor now, I will be able to enjoy more peacefully later. This outlook heavily clouds my view of money: if I work hard and earn enough now, then later I’ll be able to do what I want. And while at times, that must be done (for me, the next year will be asi), I acknowledge that it is possible to live one’s life in such a manner. I don’t want that. I want to live creatively and fully, being totally alive and letting God work beauty through me. If I love climbing mountains, I want to do it yearly and make sure that is a priority with money. If I love a certain kind of more expensive tea, I should treat myself to it.

This chapter really is about treating myself to things/activities that let God work through me, that make my life more colorful and exciting. It’s about taking the time and necessary resources to be good to myself. My treats for the week are:

**Clean bedsheets – whether or not they needed to be switched, I love the feeling of clean bedsheets.
**Ask myself the question: If money weren't an issue, what would I do with my life? Then seriously consider the answers.
**Make a list of materials needed to create this structure I have been dreaming about – regardless the cost of the materials, I’m going to do it!
**Homemade hummus. It went so well!
**I need to find a new artist, and buy an album that gives me energy.
**Re-arranging my room. I need change in life, so this is a small road to differences.
**Going out dancing this weekend.
**Finding images of things I would buy/do/create if money were not an issue – then add them to my image-file!

Yay for life. Yay for Cameron. Yay for being a creative being.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Forecast of '08: dancing, mountains, and simplicity.

Yesterday my friend and I did our ritual of the year-in-review and goal-setting for the coming year. This year we were guided by Michael Melcher's design. His method of tackling such a daunting reflection-time was efficient, thorough and uncovered things that surprised and delighted me! I recommend it. Check it out:

http://shiftingcareers.blogs.nytimes.com/2007/12/26/
year-end-review-with-yourself/

We enjoyed verbally processing what we wrote -- it was fun to see how distinct hers was from mine! I'm going to share my "top ten" with you and the resulting goals... These will most likely affect my blog entries for the year. Consider it a summary of the goodness to come (*laugh).

Top Ten blurbs of 2007(in order):
1. "I want"
2. Big world, bigger God
3. Simplification
4. Mountain climbing
5. Adjustments
6. Comfortable becomes uncomfortable
7. Independence
8. Self-expression
9. No "Church" (referencing time in S. Amer.)
10. Girl Mullet

Some surprises (mtn. climbing at #4??), others predictable, but complete and beautiful.

2008 goals:

1. Heightened awareness of my desires and energy - what makes me come alive?
2. Find ways to connect with God through questions and learning.
3. Live slowly and simply -- with materials and time. (Buy consciously. Fix things. Say no. Drink afternoon teas.)
4. Have at least 4 weekends with ample amounts of nature-time: woods/mtns./fresh air.
5. Further explore and live in outlets of my creativity: write poetry. dance. construct something. cook.
6. Commit to self-growth, being accountable, and challenging myself.
7. Do fun crazy things that surprise even myself. Just because.

I am excited to face this year - changes, uncertainty, and all...