Discoveries of the week:
** My superhero weakness is laughter. So if you want to defeat my physical strength, make me laugh really hard. I’ll be done.
** Growing up, saying “I’m bored” was the same as cussing. Mom told us it was a ridiculous word. I like that. She recognized that “boredom” was only space filled with potential creative inspiration. Some of my favorite, most beautiful, and fun moments have been born in boredom.
** Beautiful quote from C.G. Jung: “Self-knowledge. To this question there is a positive answer only when the individual is willing to fulfill the demands of rigorous self-examination and self-knowledge. If he does this, he will not only discover some important truths about himself but will also have gained a psychological advantage: he will have succeeded in deeming himself worthy of serious attention and sympathetic interest. He will have set his hand, as it were, to a declaration of his own human dignity…”
** I’ve been thinking a lot about space. Let me explain: I think each individual carries this essence that can be, in a way, felt. And this essence holds a person’s own greatness. And it takes up space. (That’s the only way I can express it…) Multiple times in life I’ve felt suffocated, like I had no space to let my greatness be… great. The other night, during a long conversation with a friend, I was reminded of all that I am, of all my dreams, and of all that I am capable. I left feeling empowered. confident. hopeful. And free. I want to do that -- to more intentionally speak with others so as to recognize their greatness, and to help them become aware of the space they have to be great.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Thursday, August 16, 2007
The impossible fight
Megan-in-transition characteristic: I have a hard time making myself go to bed. I have this impossible idea that if I don't go to sleep, tomorrow will never come - that as long as I'm awake, change won't happen. So I just don't go to bed.
Ridiculous, I know. But it happens. A lot. And it's happened for years and years; I remember nights in high school that I stayed up super-late, putting off the morning's transitions (so it seemed). And that's how the past few weeks have been. It's not that I want to return right now, or that I don't want what's in the future, but the re-adjustment is really...duro...difficult. Usually I'm ready for change - bring it! - and I like overcoming it and adapting to it, but I've had to take this change really slowly and gently. And without much sleep. :)
When traveling through northern Argentina and dreading leaving, I made a list of things I was looking forward to in Chicago. And sometimes when I don't want to go to bed, I made similar lists about life in general. :) The Chitown list:
-- Running on the lakefront: being able to run for as long as I possibly can while seeing and hearing the water the whole time.
-- Doing normal life with friends. As much as I loved living with a family in a "home", I missed having friends around for daily life - walking to the grocery store, doing homework, eating breakfast...
-- Laughing so hard with my roommates that tears stream down my cheeks
-- Being around people who enjoy and play off of my playfulness -- I didn't find anyone who could match my playfulness... I've been dying!
-- Being able to incorporate a bit of argentine life into my normal life - meriendas, living simply, late-night dinners, looooong conversations...
-- The challenge of maintaining the ways I've changed while in the place of my "life before".
And I think I've mustered up enough... whatever it takes to decide to go to bed. *smile. May you be sleeping well...
Ridiculous, I know. But it happens. A lot. And it's happened for years and years; I remember nights in high school that I stayed up super-late, putting off the morning's transitions (so it seemed). And that's how the past few weeks have been. It's not that I want to return right now, or that I don't want what's in the future, but the re-adjustment is really...duro...difficult. Usually I'm ready for change - bring it! - and I like overcoming it and adapting to it, but I've had to take this change really slowly and gently. And without much sleep. :)
When traveling through northern Argentina and dreading leaving, I made a list of things I was looking forward to in Chicago. And sometimes when I don't want to go to bed, I made similar lists about life in general. :) The Chitown list:
-- Running on the lakefront: being able to run for as long as I possibly can while seeing and hearing the water the whole time.
-- Doing normal life with friends. As much as I loved living with a family in a "home", I missed having friends around for daily life - walking to the grocery store, doing homework, eating breakfast...
-- Laughing so hard with my roommates that tears stream down my cheeks
-- Being around people who enjoy and play off of my playfulness -- I didn't find anyone who could match my playfulness... I've been dying!
-- Being able to incorporate a bit of argentine life into my normal life - meriendas, living simply, late-night dinners, looooong conversations...
-- The challenge of maintaining the ways I've changed while in the place of my "life before".
And I think I've mustered up enough... whatever it takes to decide to go to bed. *smile. May you be sleeping well...
Monday, August 13, 2007
What does his voice sound like?
I am inspired to post one of my favorite parts of The Little Prince (el Principito)... I can't sleep soooo... I'm writing. As always... :) May you enjoy.
"If I've told you these details about Asteroid B-612 and if I've given you its number, it is on account of the grown-ups. Grown-ups like numbers. When you tell them about a new friend, they never ask questions about what really matters. They never ask: 'What does his voice sound like?' 'What games does he like best?' 'Does he collect butterflies?' They ask: 'How old is he?' 'How many brothers does he have?' 'How much does he weigh?' 'How much money does his father make?' Only then do they think they know him."
- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
"If I've told you these details about Asteroid B-612 and if I've given you its number, it is on account of the grown-ups. Grown-ups like numbers. When you tell them about a new friend, they never ask questions about what really matters. They never ask: 'What does his voice sound like?' 'What games does he like best?' 'Does he collect butterflies?' They ask: 'How old is he?' 'How many brothers does he have?' 'How much does he weigh?' 'How much money does his father make?' Only then do they think they know him."
- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
Friday, August 10, 2007
El reencuentro parte 2
One week ago tonight I arrived in the States, and while I have stopped un-knowingly speaking in Spanish and looking at people surprised when they speak to me in English, there are many things that are still very strange to me... I want to write about this because coming into my home country with fresh eyes -- it's an experience that does not happen often. And because I like learning about myself -- how I transition/deal with transitions, and also seeing little by little how I've changed...
Funny moments/reoccuring themes:
-- Yesterday I was at the gym and saw a friend from high school. I was excited to see him and, as I have done for the past six months, went to kiss him on the cheek. RIGHT before I kissed him, I realized what I was doing, and saved myself by giving him an awkward hug. Shoot... haha.
-- I still don't understand that it's SUMMER here. It's so weird to me that it's over 100F (about 40C) every day, and I can't understand that my family is swimming in our pool, and that friends of siblings are coming over to spend the night for nights on end... I KNOW it's summer, but it just seems WEIRD. A week ago I was in gloves and shivering and there was no green-ness anywhere!
-- Every time my family eats, I'm totally thrown off. Lunch at noon? Dinner at 6? Aren't you a few hours early?? That can't be right...we're missing a meal! What happened to the merienda? (afternoon tea)
-- Wednesday at Barnes and Noble, some woman gave me 15.93 exactly in change. When she handed me the coins, I stopped and stared at them and thought, "Why is she not hoarding her change?! Is she crazy? How DOES she have all that change??" And then I realized I was in the US. I no longer have to fight people for coins. There are more than enough in circulation...
And how I feel? Hmmm... that IS the question. Today and yesterday were difficult days because reality is hitting me that this isn't just vacation; I'm not going to wake up some morning and walk downstairs to argentine kisses and tea. And I miss the people and the familiarity of Buenos Aires. And Chicago and Carbondale know nothing, nothing, nada of Buenos Aires... and that feeling is... not so great. Oh, transition... it makes us stronger, no?
Funny moments/reoccuring themes:
-- Yesterday I was at the gym and saw a friend from high school. I was excited to see him and, as I have done for the past six months, went to kiss him on the cheek. RIGHT before I kissed him, I realized what I was doing, and saved myself by giving him an awkward hug. Shoot... haha.
-- I still don't understand that it's SUMMER here. It's so weird to me that it's over 100F (about 40C) every day, and I can't understand that my family is swimming in our pool, and that friends of siblings are coming over to spend the night for nights on end... I KNOW it's summer, but it just seems WEIRD. A week ago I was in gloves and shivering and there was no green-ness anywhere!
-- Every time my family eats, I'm totally thrown off. Lunch at noon? Dinner at 6? Aren't you a few hours early?? That can't be right...we're missing a meal! What happened to the merienda? (afternoon tea)
-- Wednesday at Barnes and Noble, some woman gave me 15.93 exactly in change. When she handed me the coins, I stopped and stared at them and thought, "Why is she not hoarding her change?! Is she crazy? How DOES she have all that change??" And then I realized I was in the US. I no longer have to fight people for coins. There are more than enough in circulation...
And how I feel? Hmmm... that IS the question. Today and yesterday were difficult days because reality is hitting me that this isn't just vacation; I'm not going to wake up some morning and walk downstairs to argentine kisses and tea. And I miss the people and the familiarity of Buenos Aires. And Chicago and Carbondale know nothing, nothing, nada of Buenos Aires... and that feeling is... not so great. Oh, transition... it makes us stronger, no?
Sunday, August 5, 2007
El reencuentro
.... [speechlessness]....
I don't know where to start, what to say, how I feel... I'm back in the States; back in my So. Ill. home; very very far away (on many levels) from Buenos Aires and life/home there. So strange... Here are a few thoughts/moments of the past two days:
When I ordered water I didn't have to specify "tap water" AND it came with ice. Milanesas and empanadas weren't on the menu. When I heard KT Tunstall on the radio, I imagined Argentine friends singing it and I had a really confused moment. The night air is rich with the scent of summer: it reminds me of moon chases, ice cream outside, late night walks, fireflies, and capture the flag games. My 14-yr. brother told me he had his life figured out: he's going to win the lottery at age 19 and build a monument of himself. When I have sad moments, I only want hugs from BsAs people, and that's quite impossible. I have laughed non-stop with my siblings. People drink HUGE coffees here -- way over caffeinated. Americans have so much STUFF (me included) -- before I lose this simple-living mindset, I'm cleaning out my room! Extrano castellano tanto... Capitalism is out of control here; I miss fruterias and little neighborhood stores. I refuse to think ahead -- but being present is no good either -- and I can't go back... I'm quite stuck. And this too shall pass...
Beautiful things: It's wonderful to be around a language that knows me so intimately. I had forgotten how verbally affirming and encouraging my friends and family are... I have missed their words so much and it has been like a soul massage to receive them once again; I forgot how much words impact me -- someone can say, "Megan, I think you are great," and it's the best part of my week (haha). With my family, it's like I left yesterday. We went out to lunch when I got off the plane, and at the end of the prayer before the meal, my siblings, exasperated, exclaimed, "It's about time you got home. We can stop praying for you! We've prayed for you at EVERY meal." (Way to be cheerful pray-ers, guys. haha.)
To end: Mom has this quote on our refridge: "courage does not always roar. sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "i will try again tomorrow." I think that courage got me through the past six months, and the same will get me through the transition back into life here...
**soundtrack of entry -- denison witmer**
I don't know where to start, what to say, how I feel... I'm back in the States; back in my So. Ill. home; very very far away (on many levels) from Buenos Aires and life/home there. So strange... Here are a few thoughts/moments of the past two days:
When I ordered water I didn't have to specify "tap water" AND it came with ice. Milanesas and empanadas weren't on the menu. When I heard KT Tunstall on the radio, I imagined Argentine friends singing it and I had a really confused moment. The night air is rich with the scent of summer: it reminds me of moon chases, ice cream outside, late night walks, fireflies, and capture the flag games. My 14-yr. brother told me he had his life figured out: he's going to win the lottery at age 19 and build a monument of himself. When I have sad moments, I only want hugs from BsAs people, and that's quite impossible. I have laughed non-stop with my siblings. People drink HUGE coffees here -- way over caffeinated. Americans have so much STUFF (me included) -- before I lose this simple-living mindset, I'm cleaning out my room! Extrano castellano tanto... Capitalism is out of control here; I miss fruterias and little neighborhood stores. I refuse to think ahead -- but being present is no good either -- and I can't go back... I'm quite stuck. And this too shall pass...
Beautiful things: It's wonderful to be around a language that knows me so intimately. I had forgotten how verbally affirming and encouraging my friends and family are... I have missed their words so much and it has been like a soul massage to receive them once again; I forgot how much words impact me -- someone can say, "Megan, I think you are great," and it's the best part of my week (haha). With my family, it's like I left yesterday. We went out to lunch when I got off the plane, and at the end of the prayer before the meal, my siblings, exasperated, exclaimed, "It's about time you got home. We can stop praying for you! We've prayed for you at EVERY meal." (Way to be cheerful pray-ers, guys. haha.)
To end: Mom has this quote on our refridge: "courage does not always roar. sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "i will try again tomorrow." I think that courage got me through the past six months, and the same will get me through the transition back into life here...
**soundtrack of entry -- denison witmer**
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