Asking for the stars

If you could do ANYTHING in your life, what would you do?

I know, cliched question. One for which I never have an answer. You've probably already blown it off. (Am I right or am I right?)

Within the past few months, I've had to stand and bravely face THE question. I've faced it, but bravery hasn't shown through as much as fear. I'm in this point in life that I literally can take steps in any direction I want. More than ever before, I feel the walls of expectation backing off. Not surprising, I am the builder of the walls; I've constructed them of others' voices --- instead of my own desires, and my own voice.

To find my voice, I've been dreaming a lot and confronting stifling fear. Key to confronting this fear has been asking for the stars and the moon. I have been pushed and challenged to ASK for my dreams. I don't know if I've ever done that... it's this selfish-feeling complex I have. But I've done it - at least twice. It is so FREEING.

There's an organization I've dreamed about for months; I would give anything to work there. I know they don't have much money, and would never dream of them paying me to work there. I decided I would at least ask if it were possible to WORK there. Perhaps I could get grant money. For months I've been terrified to ask in case they say no. So this week I had a roommate hold me accountable to writing them. Yesterday I had a professor proofread my letter. She said, "Megan, where's your second question?"

"What second question?"

"If you don't get grant money, if they'd give you a small amount so you could survive. Write it."

I stopped and stared at her. "I can ask for that?"

I walked out of her office feeling so hopeful. I'll probably get turned down, but I'm ALLOWED to ask for my dreams. I'm supposed to. Incredible. My deepest yearnings are placed in me by God, so they're His/Her deepest desires as well... so I'm responsible for pursuing them... that's beautiful.

What have you been thinking about lately? What are some of your deepest desires? Do you give them the time and respect and voice they deserve? Try going out on a limb and asking if you can do something (even a small something) that you've always dreamed of... even if you're turned down, the action of asking is liberating. just liberating.