So today while staring out the window of Colectivo #15(Bus), I had my first attack of "No! I can't leave yet! I don't want to!" I have three more weeks in the great BsAs before traveling northern Argentina, but being able to see the end so clearly scares the... well, it scares me a lot. I believe in living well through any transition, and in doing transitions well, but with this one... I don't want the transiton so I have no "ganas" (desire) to attempt it well. I want to suck the life out of the three weeks I have left -- I don't want to spend energy transitioning. There isn't enough time left for that.
So I'm stuck in this paradox, this contradiction... trying to ignore the daunting feelings of leaving while still living fully and well in the moments I have...
It hit me today that I am not scared to leave activities here -- tango, UBA, colectivo riding (although I will have moments when I return of wanting these things) -- but I am scared to leave the people and the culture. Me engancharon. They have hooked me. I want more pretty breakfasts with my sisters and Andrea. I want more four hour dinners and "sobremesas" with red wine (the after dinner time when you sit and talk for hours). I want more mate during heated class discussions. I want more walks to the frutería where the owners call me "linda" y "muñeca" (Pretty and Doll) and have my vegetables of choice ready before I ask. I'm already yearning for these things...
Your reason and your passion are the rudder and the sails of your seafaring soul. -Kahlil Gibran
1 comment:
ah Megan, I think that if you keep "living well", then you won't have to "transistion" =) just keep on livin well, and everything else will work itself out. You may think that things are so different there and that you can't have that anywhere else, but I got news for ya: what remains the same wherever you are is YOU. So, keep bein you and you will keep "livin well"...or at least as well as you want...wherever you go.
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